you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
