if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Boobs are out for the taking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
