I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
