i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
