i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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