You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
