ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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