I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm at about main and main street
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
