I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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