My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have post one night stand depression
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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