Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
