and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
