I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
