Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
