I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
