Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
