i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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