I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
