he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
