yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Barsexuality is the new black.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
