Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
