Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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