i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
