happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
