Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Randomize
