Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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