turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
