While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
