Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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