He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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