Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
