Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
