I'm really into asian looking animals
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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