You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
