I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
