I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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