I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I supernannyed him into submission
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
