I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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