how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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