I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
