why didn't you poke me back
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
