shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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