Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
