literally had 100 drinks last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
