I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
