can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
