never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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