I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
