We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Everclear isn't food dammit
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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