maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
