i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
