We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
