The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
