my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
