you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
