I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
