Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
