oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
